Nervous and Excited

OMG it's been a week since I last blogged...

Well alot has happened since then. On the 14th we had a IUI procedure, so I have been waiting to test. Now I am supposed to test on the 30th at the hospital but of course me being me couldn't wait. So on Tues I said let me test and see if the meds have left my system, well there was an extremely faint positive line. Ok could be the meds or could be a positive result. This morning I figure I am close enough to the day AF is supposed to show up so lets test. Voila there's a line. Now it's not as dark as the control line but much darker than Tuesday's line. Guess what?? I fully believe we were successful. I am still going to test on Monday at the hospital cause I want to make sure my levels are good, have miscarried once already.

Symptoms omg are there.. Since Wens I have had nausea and vomiting, I could sleep the day away, my mouth taste awful and my gums are tender.. I always said I would put up with morning sickness :) and boy will I.

Why am I nervous? Easy with one miscarriage already I am worried about another. Although I know false positives are rare I can't help but wonder.. Actually my husband is being more cautious about this than I. I fully believe I am PREGNANT! He on the other had wants to wait for the blood test.

Tempers Flare

Sorry darling for taking your name.

Well needless to say my temper has gone through the roof. Yesterday my folks and I were talking about disciplining children. There was currently a piece in the newspaper where a young girl took her father to court cause he removed her internet access and forbade her going on a school trip because she had used her friends computer to take videos of herself posing inappropriately and putting them online. The judge in this case ruled in favour of the young girl. This sparked our discussion on how the way we are disciplining our kids is slowly being taken out of our hands. I mentioned how soon the govt would say we can't smack our children. My father replies that a judge has set a precedence that we as parents have a right to smack our children. Now keep in mind I say smack not beat. I am sure many of us received a smack as a kid and are none the worse for wear.

What do I see in the newspaper today?? Exactly what I had said.. The govt' is planning to pass a law dictating the only circumstances where you can use force on your kids. I am in the process of writing to my member of Parliament exactly what I think of this law. If my child deserves a smack on the butt he/she will get it. As it is children are out of control today, they have so much power. It's really disheartening.

Old friends

So I am registered on facebook.. It's been great cause it's put me in touch with friends from high school. Yesterday I had a nice surprise, one of my good friends from elementary with whom I lost touch years ago added me to her facebook.

It was so much fun to email each other yesterday and catch up on what's been happening in our lives. I was very leery of putting myself on facebook, we hear in the news of stalkers, identity theft etc. I have found Facebook to be a wonderful tool to keep up with old friends lives.

In today's society we are always rushed, people move away from their hometown alot more than they used to. I find these sites to be a small blessing, I never would have gone looking for anyone from school through the phone book and what not it's almost as if they are right there and easy for you to find in a crowd.

Wedding Anniversary

Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary. I am married to a wonderful man, took me a long time to find him but I got it right the first time.

I found my soulmate 5 years ago when I met him. I never thought I believed in that but Chris is definately that. It's funny five years together and I don't have to explain myself he understand what I am saying, he'll even finish my sentences.

Sometimes I just look at him and fall more in love with him.. I love him more today than the day I said I do..

Happy Anniversary love.

Two week wait

So Saturday we finished our treatments now the dreaded two week wait. Apparently we had alot of little spermies with good motility, as well the doctor who did the procedure said she has had great success.

I am trying not to think too much about it but omg it's virtually impossible.. June 30th I go for a blood test to see if I am indeed pregnant, until then I swear to you every twinge, cramp will have me wondering if we were successful..

The biggest problem with these treatments is how emotional I am. I take so many hormones that stupid little things make me cry, or make me less tolerant. So here's hoping that Saturday created a little bean..

Frustrated

Yesterday I had another appointment at the fertility clinic.. This one was to see if the follicles had reached the size necessary for the insemination.

The appointments are usually quick but there is the one doctor that drives me nuts, she's always wandering around the hospital and making people wait. So after waiting for 30 min for her she tells me that I have 1 follicle measuring 16mm, they want follicles to be 18mm before inducing ovulation and then inseminating. My other ones were only 14mm and 12mm. So she suggests I come back on Friday for another ultrasound for records sake cause no matter what we are doing the procedure on Saturday. So as angry as I was told her no thank you wasn't coming and missing more work. So I walk out of there angry boy was I looking for a fight and crying to boot.

Why so frustrated?? Well this is our 4th attempt and probably final of the IUI treatments then they will want to do IVF. Our first time I only had 1 follicle no success, the second I had WAY too many they didn't want to proceed, third time I had five still no success. All I was thinking about was if 5 didn't work how the hell is one going to succeed..

Today I am in a better place not as frustrated and despairing.

More Trying

My husband just informed me that I needed to go blog. Somehow I think it's because I forget to tell him things sometimes and he finds them out here, that or he gets to poke fun at me for my stupidness.

I was going to write yesterday but was highly stressed from another visit to hospital for our fertility treatments. We decided this month to give the IUI treatment another go, this will be the 4th attempt and I think our doctor will want us to do IVF next (not looking forward to it at all). So they changes my medications this cycle, yesterday we had an ultrasound to see how the medication was working, did I have enough follicles where they big enough blah blah blah. Nasty surprise the ultrasound technician asks me if I have ever been told that I have polyps?? She claims she saw two spots one in the uterus and the other on an ovary. Now day 3 of my cycle before starting any meds I always go for an ultrasound and everything was clear.. They do that ultrasound to make sure going in you have to problems and this way they can keep track of potential problems with your medication.. So the question now is did the medication cause these growths ( if they really are growths ) or did the technician make an error. Personally I am hoping that the tech made an error.

I have enough stress every time I do this that I don't need the thought of polyps or cysts hanging over my head. Why does something so natural as having a baby have to be so damn hard and stressful..

The Sun and I

So being a redhead you would think I would know better right?? I think not! This weekend we had great weather here.. So I decided time to take advantage and start getting some sun so that I don't burn when I go to Disney in August. Well I took sun alright only problemis that I forgot to put sunscreen on. Now I'm a redhead with freckles so you can imagine very easily I am sure how easy it is for me to burn..

I decided to go out and do the lawn yesterday, I was so focused on doing it before it got to hot that I forgot to put sunscreen on, then came assembling the swing and watching my step daughter on her water slide. At 4 pm yesterday I realize ooh my skin is feeling tight.. Yup you got it my shoulders and back are RED. My husband and mother asked me if I was ever going to learn.. I guess at my age the answer would have to be a resounding NO! My defense? I only burn once a year, right at the begining of the summer, so there.

Couldn't resist

In my previous post I brought up Madonna and her Like a Virgin song.. Well I couldn't resist putting in that video as well. God what was I thinking all those years ago..

Music

So last night while playing WoW I decided to go back in time, I go to youtube and find a video of Tiffany. All of a sudden it sparks a whole conversation in guildchat and what kind of music we all listened to when in high school and did we dress like anyone is particular. well I have to admit I idolized Madonna, yes I teased my hair and did everything to look like her when her Like a Virgin video came out.. I found out I was not the only one thank god.. reminder to me need to burn those pictures of me from high school before I can get blackmailed.. As much as I loved and idolized Madonna there was an artist that I spent hours listening to while I was in the hospital in my senior year..Tiffany you got it. I wanted to be her, this sexy redhead :) .

So last night as I mentioned earlier I check out this video and now it's bloody well stuck in my head, so much so that my husband calls me at work and I pick up the phone signing one of her songs.. Now I don't want to be the only with that song stuck in my head so I am going to post it for you to listen to..

What music can you remember listening to in high school?

Trying to have a baby

I know I have been seriously slacking this week...

My husband and I will be married 3 years on the 18th of this month, so for almost that length of time we have been trying to get pregnant. After 9 months of trying my family doctor sent me to a fertility specialist, we found out that we fall into the 10-15% that infertility is unexplained. Since April of 07 we've been doing treatments on and off, because of my age my doctor went right into the IUI treatment instead of just trying medications first. We have done 3 treatments one of which was cancelled because I had too many follicles. So today we went back to try for a 4th time.

Now in between treatments we managed to get pregnant, however I miscarried. So I start thinking the one time I get pregnant is right after taking antibiotics for whooping cough, my thought is, is infertility connected to the immune system? I have two dogs that I am allergic to, is having them causing me to not conceive? So I try to research this and find only one article on infertility and Asthma and they say no correlation.. There really can't be only one article out there can there?

Family Decisions

So my husband says to me today.. "Two days in a row no blog", I was like yup. So I decided to hop on, my biggest problem was omg what do I want to talk about.

My parents are at an age that as they like to say "they are falling apart". My mom has survived so much I think she must have 9 lives. She's had cancer, blod clots, severe bleeding ulcers, angioplasty and a pace maker put in, that's not to mention she has developed diabetes and high blood pressure. Every year is a battery of tests, last year she decided she wanted to have knee replacement surgery. Actually scratch that is was in 2006 that we went to see the surgeon. Finally a few weeks ago she was referred to a new one because of long wait times (no kidding). Well she saw the surgeon today. He claims she is VERY high risk not just cause of her heart but her diabetes could cause infections and she may need to have the surgery done multiple times.

Now mom is 65 years old this year, she is always in pain due to her knee and now we have to discuss as a family wether it is worth the risk. It boils down to possibly no more pain to possibly a series of operations which could lead to amputation with a diabetic. There's also the fact her heart may not be able to take the surgery.

How does one tell their mom that they'd rather see them in pain then go through all these if's. So tonight is a family discussion.. God what do I say??